Kenny Pheasant says that you know you are an Indian if…

You have more casino cards in your possession than credit cards

You know the per cap schedule better than your families birthdays

You get in line with a bunch of other Indians thinking that you will get a block of cheese

You add low cholesterol butter to your fry bread

If a photographer is taking your family picture and says cheese, you automatically get in line

You think that basic food groups are Bologna, Macaroni, Fry bread and Pepsi

When you hear the word bologna, you know it does not mean that something is false but that it is just very good food

Your grandkids are the same age as your kids

You laugh at your kids when they fall down

When you finally get your film developed your kids have already grown up

When you come to language camp, you meet your father's uncle's first and second cousin's brothers and sisters and your mother's first cousin's children and grandchildren’s friends

You borrow your best friend's sister-in-law's first cousin's brother's uncle's pick up to attend language camp

You use macaroni as bingo covers at Language camp because you ran out of bingo covers

Your dance outfit is in a suitcase held together by duck tape and pow wow bumper stickers

You can’t go two days without using duct tape

Your parties as a teen were at a gravel pit, field, bush, or in a middle of a dirt road

You have date someone from a different state because your are related to everyone in yours

You have been married and divorced three times and you still have the same in laws

By the time you get to the 9th hole it is to dark to golf anymore because half the tribe is golfing with you

If a white person introduces themselves to you by saying that their great, great grandmother was a Cherokee princess

When the whole class gets in trouble, your child is the one that gets the blame and gets sent to the principal’s office

When you and the principal are on a first name basis

When someone asks you for directions, you use your lips

You know the street addresses of all the Salvation Army, thrift and dollar stores in town

You use a screw driver to start your car and to open your trunk

When you are at a stop light and the light turns green to go, you have the loudest car but yet the slowest

If you have an air conditioned car, it’s just car that one window won’t roll all the way up, the floor board has holes and the back door won’t shut tight

When you are at the turn lane you manually use the turn signal

When you hit a deer with your car, you consider it a blessing rather than a tragedy

You use a rag as a gas cap for your car

If your cars three best friends are Duct tape, Baling wire and WD-40

You can tell an Indian car by how many kids get out or the number of decals and bumper stickers it has on it

When the jumper cables are the most used tool in your car

Jumper cables are gifts you give at Christmas, birthdays, anniversary’s and graduations

Your medicine wheel license plate is no longer yellow, red, black or white but rust, pink, gray and a metallic color

You are at a giveaway ceremony and the jumper cables are the first to go

You use your braids as a measuring tool

Your lawn furniture is the furniture you used to have in your house

When you move in to native housing, you really don’t care which one you get because they all look alike anyway

Your house does not have curtains but your pick up does

You live in a mobile home and your back yard is filled with cars that aren’t

You set a little gill net in your aquarium to make it complete

Your kids cereal bowls have the words Parkay Margarine written on them

Your working TV sits on top of your non working TV

You use paper clips as chip clips

You use chip clips as paper clips

You have more chips in your cupboard that at the store you bought them from

You keep watching reruns of Squanto, Dances with wolves and Billy Jack

You don’t plow or snow blow your driveway because you know it’s going to melt anyway

You have everything in your two car garage but your two cars

When you go out to eat, you look for macaroni on the menu

When you order Chinese food you ask for the ketchup

You can still speak with one whole fry bread in your mouth

You can still understand the one speaking with the fry bread in his mouth

When you get to the Pow-Wow grounds you check out the food venders first

You can’t see out your windshield because of all the dream catchers, medicine wheels and sweet grass hanging from your rear view mirror

You have six cats, six dogs with no collars and you never take any of them to the vet.

You had a dog named Bear

You fill your plate to the max and go for seconds at the pot luck, and then you drink diet Pepsi

You know more words in Spanish than your own language

You have a Indian Language dictionary and you don’t know how to use it

The only four words you know in your language are Bozhoo, Miigwech, Ziitaagan and Boogit.

You spend your whole adult life running for tribal council

When the major part of your daily conversation is talking about tribal council

You know that the Little River Band is not from Australia but from Manistee Michigan